Yet Another Blog About Self-Love; But This One You Should Read!
April 4, 2014
Somewhere along the way of self-discovery I heard it said that we could only love others to the extent that we can love ourselves. To my logical brain this made perfect sense, and to tell you the truth, it scared the CRAP out of me. Wasn’t love hard enough? Now I have to first figure out how to love myself? Is this the reason why so many of my relationships dead-ended? Is this the reason I couldn’t push beyond the barriers I put up? Holy Crap! How am I going to accomplish this? I have spent an entire lifetime building up this highly imperfect identity that I’ve become very attached to. How am I supposed to do this?!
Strangely, it seems, it’s a hell of a lot easier to love someone else than it is to love ourselves. How odd that is, and then, hmmm, my ah-ha moment, wait for it..…the settling in realization of: THE COMPLETE LUNACY OF THAT!!!
So all right universe I hear you loud and clear. THIS is my work, THIS is why "HE" showed up in my life, and this is why ALL of this has been happening as it has. All roads are now pointing here. I get it; this is the lesson I am meant to learn!
* * * * SELF-LOVE-SELF-LOVE-SELF-LOVE * * * *
We’ve heard this like a bazillion times by now; self-love is where it’s at man, but how do we DO IT?
Honestly, I have no friggin idea, but I’m really trying, and I must be doing something right because I really do feel so differently now. And how else would I know apart from that?
It’s kind of like this to me:
Imagine that you are a car, and the amount of love you feel for yourself exists as the air within the four tires of your car. When we are born, our tires are completely full of air, then we drive off into life and little by little the air starts to deplete from our tires. We start to feel the bumps in the road much more, we start to feel that it is no longer terribly safe to even drive this car, but we do. We put on a seat belt to feel safer and we do our best to navigate and avoid the potholes and the slick spots, but the air keeps depleting, the bumps get harder, the holes deeper and we are not driving with much pleasure or joy, we are driving with fear. This is what a lack of self-love does to us.
To counter these negative feelings we take passengers with us, front seat for some, back seat for others, but they will not be able to truly enjoy the ride either. So we ask them if they will help us to fill the tires, we don’t know how to do it and we really hope that they do. And it seems like they do, and for a little while the tires are inflated again and we keep driving. But it’s a short trip as the tires start to deflate again. It seems they too didn’t know how to fill the tires.
Then, one day you get stranded in the middle of nowhere. All 4 of your tires are completely flat and you have no choice but to fill them yourself. You are terrified and in a bit of a panic, but what choice do you have? You cannot stay where you are. So you fill them, one at a time, and as you do it you realize how simple it was all along. How insane it was to ever believe that you didn’t know how! All along you had the ability but you chose to believe the story you created about not knowing how. Now, you can drive your car anywhere on the planet because you realize there is a limitless supply of air that is available anytime you need it. You are free.
Self-Love really is like air. We need it to survive. We inhale it, we exhale it.
It literally is the stuff of life.
Where is your threshold for shifting towards feeling and believing that you are worthy of your own love?
Do you need to wait until you are stranded in the middle of nowhere with all 4 tires completely flat? Or can you recognize some symptoms a bit sooner than that? For me, it was the ending of another long-term relationship. A very deep and meaningful one that yet again failed to live up to my expectations.
We all have our tipping point, or own individual thresholds for pain and pleasure. Usually we are not even aware of what they are until they are approaching. Something starts to stir inside of us and the next thing we know BAM, we are off and running, searching for truth and meaning. But maybe you don’t need to wait until you have 4 flat tires?
Maybe you can start now. It takes practice, no different than learning a new language, or going to the gym to get fit. It is (usually) not a quick fix because for most of us our emotional pain bodies which fuel the lack of self-love are controlled by our very powerful egos, and our egos are very clever, they will fight to the death to convince you of the story they need to survive. Therefore resilience, commitment, determination and faith are a must.
Start with faith, if we believe we can shift our story, then we can, but if you say it and don’t really believe it, nothing will shift. The mind is far too clever for that. So get real with yourself. How badly do you want love that feels gooood? How badly do you want love that feels nurturing and expansive? How badly do you want to get off the hamster wheel of failed relationships which strangely always seem to have YOU as the common denominator? Choose to believe that you can change your story.
Then it takes practice in whatever way feels authentic to you. Affirmations, journaling, meditating, there are loads of resources with techniques available everywhere you look these days. Find what resonates for you and practice, practice, practice! One day it will start shifting, you will feel it because it is a powerful and liberating feeling.
I promise, when we start filling our own tires, we become much, much better drivers along life’s curvy and unpredictable terrain.
I should add though, that I’m still quite happy to let someone else pump the gas.
Please share your thoughts and heart with me below. We all learn so much from each other no matter how large or small the share.
With Love, Light & Gratitude,